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Also...

Planned Spontaneity?

by Michael Kientz

at Marriage Partnership

I've always known my wife enjoys receiving presents. She said as much while we were dating. But then, several years ago, I read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The book theorized that we usually do for others what we want them to do for us. That's when I knew I was in trouble.

My wife regularly gives me presents. Just small, thoughtful stuff most of the time—but lots of it. If she runs an errand, she comes back with a cup of coffee for me. If she's at the grocery store, she picks out something she knows I'll like. If she goes on a trip to see her family, she sends me postcards from every gas station along the route.

Although I thought it was nice of her to think of me while she was out, for some reason I never felt the need to reciprocate. While I enjoyed receiving the gifts, they didn't fill any deep need I had. I'm embarrassed to say they were often set aside and forgotten soon after I received them.

But as I read the book, I understood suddenly why she did it. In one of those moments of crystal-clear realization, it hit me that each present was an effort to train her hopelessly oblivious husband. Unfortunately, none of her attempts ever made it through my thick head.

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